dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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