11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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