No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
