I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
