Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
