My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
