Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
