OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
