her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
