Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Say something about gay babies.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
