I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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