dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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