I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
