I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
