just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
