He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't turn off my feet"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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