we made out on top of his cat.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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