I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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