fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
