You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
