i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
