I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
