you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
