Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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