Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
