I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
