Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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