I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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