So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
