Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
