he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
