he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
