the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
