If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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