My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
