We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
