this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
