: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
