I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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