things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
