a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
foreskin is a definite game changer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
