I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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