pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
