Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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