They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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