I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
