I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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