Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
