Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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