I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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