Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
