Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
